6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
