So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
