You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
