wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
