is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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