Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
