ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
