God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
