woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
