After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Randomize
