If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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