Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
