she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
