Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
