i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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