I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
