I cockslap morals
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My vagina is officially offended.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
