is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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