I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
