i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
