she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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