1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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