in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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