I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
