garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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