I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
time to smoke my breakfast
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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