the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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