never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
