Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
