Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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