Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
