he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
