The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
