cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
