that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
