I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
