I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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