Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
