Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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