I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
