if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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