I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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