Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
