i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
