I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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