I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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