I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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