Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can I color on your dick again?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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