he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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