so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please come you make the beer taste better
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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