i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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