I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
