i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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