just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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