Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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