Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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