I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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