Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize