I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I didn't notice because vodka
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
