how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
