He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize