Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
