Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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