my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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