problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
