I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
