ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
