The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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