dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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