you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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