Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
