no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
