dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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