So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
