I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
