i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
