he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
