Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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