I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
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you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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